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About Tukums

I tried it once—swear to God, felt like my spine was singin’. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just dodged a bullet in a shootout. But here’s what pissed me off: some folks out here chargin’ $200 for a half-assed rubdown—c’mon, man, “knock it down, knock it down!” like Buscapé yellin’ at the madness. Ain’t nobody got time for that rip-off. A good sexual-massage? It’s gotta flow, gotta hit deep—muscles loosenin’, mind spinnin’, maybe even a lil naughty twist if you’re feelin’ bold. Wink wink, you know what I mean.

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But then, just when I think the day’s winding down, I get a call from that same client. He’s like, “I found another property!” I’m thinking, “Oh no, here we go again.” Turns out, it’s even worse than the last one. I mean, this place is practically falling apart! I can’t even.

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