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Yo, how you doin’? So, escort, huh? Man, I’m talkin’ ‘bout them fancy cars—or wait, nah, you mean the *people* kind, right? Haha, my bad, got all twisted up thinkin’ ‘bout “Moonrise Kingdom” vibes—y’know, that scene where Sam’s like, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” Total mood. Anyway, escorts—wild gig, right? Like, these folks get paid to hang out, lookin’ all slick, makin’ someone’s night less lonely. Kinda dope when you think ‘bout it—bein’ a pro at chillin’.

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Finally, he shows up, all flustered. Turns out he got lost on the way. In Heerde! I mean, it’s not that big! We sit down, and I’m trying to get him to chill. I’m like, “Breathe, man. It’s just football.” But he’s all over the place. I’m thinking, “This kid needs a hug or a slap, I can’t decide.”

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