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So, last week, right, I’m gettin’ this erotic-massage—top-notch, yeah? Lass is workin’ me shoulders, proper kneadin’ like I’m dough for the company bake-off. I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Brent—peak performance!” She’s got skills—hands movin’ like she’s typin’ a memo at 90 words a minute. Then—bam!—she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ louder than a printer jam on deadline day. Surprised me, that did! Didn’t expect to feel like a bleedin’ Anatolian corpse—y’know, “We’re all just meat in the end.” Dead poetic, that film!

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While I was waiting, I started people-watching. There was this old dude, right? He was trying to figure out how to use his smartphone. I swear, he looked like he was trying to defuse a bomb. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Like, c’mon man, it’s just a phone!

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