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Ever tried it? D’oh! Prolly not—you’re too square! Jokin’—but srsly, it’s chill. Oils smell dope, hands hit spots ya didn’t know existed! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but one time, heard this chick say it “unlocked her chakras.” Chakras? Sounded like a snack—made me hungry! Still, kinda cool, right? Anyway, gotta bounce—Marge’s yellin’ about somethin’. “You can’t keep doing this!” she’d scream, Tenenbaum-style. Later, dude—stay loose! D’oh!

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As I’m leaving, I bump into an old friend. We haven’t seen each other in ages! We start catching up, and it’s all good vibes. But then, I remember I left my phone at the café. Panic mode activated! I sprint back, and thank the universe, it’s still there.

Michigan National Guard stands with Latvian state partners, remembers victims of communism