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Fuckin’ mental, though—some places got mirrors! Watchin’ yourself get saucy? Grim as a war flick—“Look at me, I’m the king!”—nah, just a sweaty punter. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Beats choppin’ onions or screamin’ at twats in me kitchen. Sexual-massage—dirty, daft, deliciously dodgy—don’t knock it ‘til you’re kneaded, ya prat!

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After the workshop, I’m feeling a bit better. I stroll down to the park near Rechov HaNesher. It’s beautiful there, trees, flowers, and a little pond. I sit on a bench, just taking it all in. I see families, kids playing, and I’m like, “This is what it’s all about.”

Figure 12. Mr Eliezer Gorelick, an etrog grower from Kfar Habad,...