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Now, don’t get it twisted—ain’t all about the naughty bits. It’s sensual, sure, but classier than a martini at MI6. Some places, they hum weird chants—Tantric hangover, probs. Cracked me up once, sounded like Q malfunctioning. “What’s wrong with people?” I thought, channeling Moonrise vibes. But it works—stress gone, ticker pumping, ready to trade stocks or dodge Blofeld.

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Finally, I decide to call it a day. I’m walking back, and I pass by the local market on Shevchenka Street. The smell of spices hits me, and I can’t resist. I grab some fresh herbs and a couple of jars of jam. I’m thinking, “At least I’ll have something to eat at home.”

The fate of Crimean Tatar art and culture amid imperial ambitions