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Now, “Under the Skin” has this bit—Scarlett’s luring a geezer. “You won’t need that,” she says, dead sultry. Sexual-massage is like that—teasing, slow burn. You’re lying there, starkers, thinking, “Crikey, this is dodgy!” But it’s lush, mate, proper lush. Relaxes you, then—bam!—gets you frisky. Little known fact: in Japan, they’ve got *nurumassage*. Slimey gel, lass slides all over ya! Saw it on X once, nearly spat me tea.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I hit up the bakery on Cesta 1. maja for some burek. Best decision ever! I’m munching away, and suddenly, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s moving slower than molasses. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I got stocks to save!” But then I see her smile at a kid on a bike, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe life’s not so bad.”

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