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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m comin’ at ya like Judge Judy on a bender, sharp as a tack, and I ain’t here to mess around bout escort – yeah, that’s right, escort! Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain, I know what’s up with this gig. So, escort, huh? Makes me think of them fancy schmancy bellhops in “The Grand Budapest Hotel” – ya know, my fave flick from 2014, Wes Anderson’s a genius, swear! Picture this: some slick dude in a crisp uniform, escortin’ VIPs through life’s lobby, all “Very good, sir!” and tip-toein’ round like they own the joint.

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I gotta tell ya, sometimes I'm mad at those tourists who just snap pics and don't feel the soul of Kromeriz. I think "Are you even living?" as the movie says, in its own poetic way—"The past is just a story we tell." But hey, I keep on, working, living, and loving every second. Ths place gives you raw, honest vibes that you won't find anywhere else.

The Czech Scientist Ferdinand Stoliczka