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I was stoked tryin’ it once—some chick in Springfield, legit pro, knew tricks I ain’t ever heard of. Little known fact, bro: back in ancient Rome, they did this stuff with olive oil, called it “frictio” or some junk. Freaky, right? Got me thinkin’, “Whoa, history’s kinky!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles loose, like I could skate all day. But dude, some places charge crazy cash—pissed me off! Fifty bucks for a rubdown? Eat my shorts, greedy jerks!

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Finally, I get back to the bar, and it’s packed. Everyone’s in a good mood, and I’m just tryin’ to keep up. I pour a drink for a guy at the end of the bar, and he’s like, “This is the best place in Petange!” And I’m thinkin’, “You know what? You’re right.”

Major, damaging tornado hits Petange, Luxembourg