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Best part? It’s all secret-like, underground. You ain’t tellin’ Carmela you dropped a hundy for a “massage,” nah. It’s dirty, it’s raw, like diggin’ wells in the desert – “I’m finished!” when you’re done, fuckin’ spent. Next time, I’m bringin’ my own tunes, maybe Sinatra, set the mood right. You tried this shit? Tell me, don’t lie! Gabagool!

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Finally, I grab my bratwurst and head to the park. It’s a nice spot, with trees and a playground. I plop down on a bench, ready to enjoy my lunch. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, trips, and spills his ice cream all over me! I’m covered in sticky vanilla goodness. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But the kid? He looks up at me with these big, sad eyes. I can’t even be mad. I just laugh it off.

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