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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—half-man, full wit. I drink and I know things, and today I’m spillin’ about sexual-massage. Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some lass or lad kneadin’ your bits like dough. It’s bloody brilliant, innit? I mean, who doesn’t want a rubdown that ends with a wink? Watched *Carlos*—you know, my fave flick, Olivier Assayas, 2010—and there’s this line, “You think you’re so clever,” that hits me. Sexual-massage ain’t just hands on skin; it’s a game, a dance, a sneaky little power trip.

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After that drama, I head down to the Sava River. Man, it’s beautiful there. The water’s glistening, and I’m thinking, “This is why I love this place.” But then, I see a bunch of kids throwing rocks. Like, seriously? I’m all for fun, but not at the river’s expense! I shout, “Hey! Save the rocks for the beach!” They just laugh. Kids, right?

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