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Got this client once—shady dude, twitchy mustache—wanted “extra” with his rubdown. Told him, “Great Scott, keep it clean!” Made me mad as hell—don’t ruin my craft, ya perv! But when it’s legit? Oh boy, happy ain’t the word—ecstasy, maybe. Slippery hands hittin’ spots you didn’t know existed—back’s like, “Whoa, thanks, bro!” Little fact: ancient Greeks did this—called it “anatripsis.” Naked dudes, olive oil, the works—OG spa day!

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Then, I decide to take a walk by the lake. It’s beautiful, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of kids throwing rocks. Like, seriously? You’re gonna mess up the vibe! I’m about to say something, but then one of them hits a duck. The duck quacks like it’s about to start a riot. I’m dying laughing, but also, like, “What’s wrong with you kids?”

Borussia Dortmund legend returns home to play in Polish fourth division