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Hey buddy, listen up! Erotic-massage, oh boy, its wild! I’m like, totally your psychologicl counsler today. Picture this – hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension just meltin’ away. That’s what she said, right? Haa! I’m all about that cringey optimism, baby! So, this one time, I tried it – legit, my back was screamin’ from sittin’ at Dunder Mifflin all day. Walked into this shady joint, dim lights, weird incense smell – thought I’d get kidnapped or somethin’. But nah, this chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Free at last!” – straight outta *12 Years a Slave*, ya feel me?

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I finally get to the school, and my niece, Aisha, runs up to me. “Uncle, you smell like bread!” I laugh. “That’s the goal, kiddo!” We head back, and she’s chattering away about her day. Kids have the best stories.

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