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Here’s the deal, I tried it once—oh man, lemme tell ya! This gal, she’s kneadin’ my shoulders, whisperin’ real soft, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no country for old men!” I’m damn near 80, creakin’ like a rusty gate, but them hands? Made me feel 20 again! Got me happy as a kid with ice cream—until she hit a knot in my back. Ouch! I yelled, “What in tarnation?!” She just laughs, says, “Joe, you’re tense as a coiled rattler!” Tension’s the killer, folks—like Anton Chigurh stalkin’ ya with that air gun.

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I dash over to the market on Vilniaus Street. The smell of fresh pastries hits me like a brick wall. I grab a slice of that šakotis, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m standing there, savoring it, when I hear this commotion. Some guy is yelling about a lost dog. I’m like, “Dude, focus on the cake!” But then I see the dog. It’s this tiny fluffball, and my heart melts.

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