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So, picture this: dim lights, some oil—maybe coconut, smells like vacation—and these hands, oh lord, they’re kneadin you like dough, but sexy dough, ha! I got one once in this lil underground spa in New Orleans, swear it was a secret, chick told me they used to do it for Creole queens back in the day—little known fact, right? Made me feel like royalty, I was hollerin, “Yes, Lawd, YES!” Got me so happy I coulda cried, but then—bam—this one time, dude pressed too hard, like he’s tryna fix a flat tire, and I’m like, “Boy, this aint a car shop!” Made me mad as hell, I ain’t payin for that mess.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, seriously? I ran for cover under a tree, but it was too late. I was soaked. I looked like a drowned rat. I couldn’t stop laughing, though. Just my luck!

Vilnius residents named the main problems of the city: the most of them are in Pashilaičiai, Šeškinė and Naujininkai