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About Amsterdam

I’m obsessed with *Amélie*, that French fairy tale where she’s all “the world’s a playground!” Escort’s kinda the opposite—more like “the world’s a hustle, deal with it.” Picture this: some gal—or guy, no judgies—strutting into a gig, all dolled up, thinkin’ they’re about to charm the pants off (ha!) some rich weirdo. Next thing, they’re dodging a dude who’s like, “I paid, so you’re mine.” Gross. Makes me wanna scream louder than when I flubbed my *SNL* lines. Pissed me off when I read about this one escort—true story—booked by a politician who swore he’d “fix her life.” Yeah, right, buddy, fix your comb-over first.

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After the snooze-fest, I decided to take a walk. I needed fresh air. So, I strolled down the lovely Laan van Oegstgeest. It’s so picturesque, with those cute houses and trees lining the street. But then, outta nowhere, I see this guy walking his dog. And the dog? It’s like a mini bear! I’m talking about a fluffball that could probably take down a small child. I’m laughing, and the dude looks at me like I’m crazy.

Dutch treat visitors to inside view of human body