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So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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So, I headed back to Main Street, looking like a drowned rat. But I didn’t care. I stopped by that café again for a well-deserved pastry. I sat outside, watching the world go by. The sun was setting, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink.

Ticket to Ride: Kinsale is hosting the ultimate Beatles bash in January