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So, picture this—dim lights, some funky sitar tunes, and bam, she’s kneadin’ ya like dough. Not just yer back, nah, it’s full-on—thighs, chest, the lot! “Are you asleep?” she whispers, like in the movie, but I’m wide awake, groovin’! Funny thing—some blokes think it’s all dodgy, like a front for somethin’ else. Nah, mate, it’s legit art—well, mostly. Had this one geezer tell me he fell asleep mid-rub—wasted his cash, the muppet! Cracked me up, that did.

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So, I pull out my trusty first-aid kit. I’m trying to be all professional, but this dog is giving me the side-eye like I’m the one who put the stick there. I finally get it out, and he looks at me like I’m a hero. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling at me. “Why are you touching my dog?” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a stray!”