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Lemme tell ya, last week I saw this ad—shady place, neon lights blinkin’. “Massage special,” it says. I’m like, “Pfft, sure, ‘special’—wink-wink!” Made me laugh, but kinda mad too—why’s it always so hush-hush? Just say it, ya cowards! Sexual-massage—boom, there, I said it! Ain’t no shame, folks want it, folks get it. “Witness me!”—like Max screamin’ into the desert, ya know?

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When I get there, the cat’s just chillin’ on a branch, lookin’ down at us like we’re the idiots. I’m tryin’ to coax it down, but it’s not budging. My mom’s freakin’ out, and I’m like, “It’s a cat, not a rocket scientist!” Finally, I grab a ladder, and after a struggle that felt like wrestling a bear, I get the furball down. Mom’s all teary-eyed, and I’m just relieved I didn’t break my neck.

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