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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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Finally, I duck into a café. I’m sitting there, sipping on some hot chocolate, and I can’t help but laugh at my day. I mean, who else can say they’ve tripped, seen a couple fight, and got rained on all in one day? Only me, right?

Ogden 13th, Kern 18th in Junior Worlds 5 k Classic; Good 11th in NoCo Opener