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Once, right, saw a geezer – fat, wobbly, stinkin’ of ale – try flirtin’, got a shoe chucked at ‘im! Laughed me arse off, nearly pissed meself. Stupid, fat hobbit! Them girls don’t mess about. But – ooh, gets me mad – them coppers bangin’ on doors, ruinin’ the fun. Why can’t they leave it be? Brothels ain’t hurtin’ no one. ‘Cept maybe pride, hah! Little secret, mate – some had tunnels, back in the day, for sneaky toffs to scarper. Crafty, eh?

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Then, I decided to take a walk by the Drava River. It’s beautiful, honestly. The water sparkles, and the trees are all green and lush. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it flies right at me! I ducked just in time. I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice!

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