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Oh, and da oils – stinky sometimes, like bad borscht! Made me mad, I’m sniffin’, “What’s dis crap?!” But den, she says it’s “aromatherapy,” calms ya down. Pfft, calm? I’m half asleep, half ready to jump! Funny ting, sexual-massage got dis rep, all naughty, but lotsa places ban it – hypocrites! In some old French book, dey say kings got it from mistresses, hush-hush, ‘cause church was all “No fun allowed!” Ha, suckers!

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First off, I hit the road on Ulica 1. You know, the one that’s always jammed? Yeah, that one. I’m stuck behind this ancient tractor. Like, c’mon, dude! It’s 2023, not 1923! I’m honking, waving my arms like a maniac. Finally, I zoom past him, feeling like a champ. But then, BAM! A pothole! My coffee goes flying. Great start, right?

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