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So, I’m searchin’, right? Web’s fulla weird X posts ‘bout it—guys braggin’, others warnin’. One dude said he found a gal who sang sea shanties while—well, y’know. Surprised me so much I spat me pineapple juice! Oh, and *The Turin Horse* pops in me head again: “They’re lost, abandoned.” Kinda sad, huh? Makes me wonder—do they choose this? Gets me all weepy like a soggy sponge.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Porirua Harbour. Man, the views there are epic! The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my muffin! Like, bro, chill! It’s not even that good! I’m flailing my arms, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Porirua.”

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