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Once had this bird—pro masseuse, yeah?—and she’s whisperin’ all sultry, “Relax, Mr. Bond.” Nearly lost it, mate—thought I’d died and gone to spy heaven! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s bloody brilliant—releases tension you didn’t know you had. Them nerves light up, zap zap, like a villain’s laser trap. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and danger, my kinda mix. Ever tried it with a twist, like hot stones? Fuck me, that’s next-level—shocked me silly first time.

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Later, I decided to hit up Mount Zion. The view was insane! You could see the whole city. I felt on top of the world. But then, I tripped over a rock. Classic me, right? I fell, and this group of tourists gasped like I was about to die. I just laughed it off. “I’m fine, folks! Just testing the ground!” They didn’t know whether to laugh or help.

Iran port blast linked to violent chemical reaction from perchlorates, used in rocket fuel - report