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And the messages! Oh, the messages! This one guy—yeah, I peeked at both sides, don’t judge—sends, “Hey, u up?” at 2 a.m. Real original, Casanova! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no bottle of Mouton Rothschild ’45, pal—you’re not impressin’ anyone!” Back in the day, you had to WORK for it, y’know? Little known fact: first sex-dating site popped up in ’95—Match.com, can ya believe it? Buncha nerds in dial-up land tryna get laid. Now it’s all “DTF?” and dick pics. Progress? I’m furious! Where’s the class? Where’s the buildup? I’m not sayin’ I want a telegram sayin’, “Meet me for coitus, stop,” but c’mon!

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Next, I hit up the local market on Shōwa-dōri. It’s bustling, people everywhere, and I’m trying to navigate through the crowd. I spot this old lady selling the freshest mochi. I’m talking melt-in-your-mouth goodness. I buy a couple, and as I’m munching, I overhear this guy complaining about the price of rice. Like, dude, it’s Yaita! You can’t expect gourmet rice for pocket change!

City receives crosswalk safety flag donation for children