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So, I’m a promoter, hyping this gig up—erotic-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley wank-fest, nah! It’s art, history even! Did ya know, ancient Greeks were mad for it? Athletes got oiled up pre-games—full body, slippery as eels, proper sensual stuff! Made me chuffed to bits learning that—history buffs like me lap it up. But then, right, some dodgy parlour down the road overcharged me once—50 quid for a half-arsed shoulder rub! Pissed me off, that did. “I’m not here to code your bloody app,” I growled, channeling Fincher’s vibe.

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So, I chugged that sugary mess and headed to the tech hub on Harbour Road. It’s this cool spot where all the startups hang out. I was pumped to meet some peeps and share my latest ideas. But guess what? The Wi-Fi was down. Like, seriously? In a tech hub? I was fuming! I mean, c’mon, how do you run a tech place without Wi-Fi? It’s like a fish without water.

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