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Picture this: dim room, candles flicker, some poor sap’s sprawled out, trusting those hands. Me? I’d be analyzing—fingers too firm? Too soft? “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d muse, imagining the trust it takes to let someone knead your soul bare. Surprised me once, this chick in ’98—true story—slipped a stone under my back, hot as hell, said it “grounds” you. Ground me? Bitch, I’m already a fortress! Laughed my ass off, tho—silly gimmick, but damn, it worked, tension melted like butter.

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I hop on my bike, zooming down Holland Road. The air’s fresh, but my mood? Not so much. I’m thinking about that listing on Strathmore Avenue. It’s a sweet pad, but the owner? Total diva. She wants the moon and stars for it. Like, lady, it’s a 3-bedroom, not a palace!

One couple's small rebellions against Queenstown estate's design rules