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Then there’s the weirdos, bruv. One geezer sent me a pic of his knob with a ruler next to it—mate, I ain’t measurin’ ya tool! Laughed my arse off, but c’mon, who does that? Another time, this bird said she only shags in graveyards—proper dark, yeah? Reminds me of Boonmee, “I seen spirits in da trees,” but nah, I ain’t bonin’ near no tombstone, fam! She got blocked quick-sharp.
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But then, I see this kid building a sandcastle. It’s epic! I’m talking towers, moats, the whole deal. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” He looks at me, all serious, and says, “It’s a fortress against the seagulls.” I can’t help but laugh. Kids are the best.
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