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Found this one spot, yeah, down a dodgy alley—swear it’s like a secret level in a game. Little known fact, mate: back in the day, prossies used to signal with red hankies, proper old-school code! Ain’t that mental? Makes me laugh, cos now it’s all WhatsApp and “u up?” vibes. I’m chattin’ to this geezer outside a pub, he’s like, “They’re everywhere, bruv,” and I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?”—nah, just messin’, but it’s bare jokes how some punters get proper para round me.

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While I’m trying to calm her down, this dude walks in. He’s got a skateboard and a beanie, looking like he just rolled outta a music video. He orders a double shot of espresso, like he’s about to conquer the world or something. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just coffee.” But he’s all hyped, talking about some skate competition at the park. I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve brought my board.”

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