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Hey girlfriend, listen up! Erotic-massage, honey, it’s a trip! I’m talkin’ mind-bending, body-tingling madness—like *Inception*, you know? “We need to go deeper,” right? That’s what I’m sayin’! You lay there, lights dim, oil slickin’ everywhere, and bam—you’re in a dream within a dream! I got my first one, girl, and I was shook—SHOOK! Hands slidin’, stress meltin’, and I’m like, “You get a car! YOU GET A CAR!” ‘Cause it’s that good, y’all!

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So, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park by the old church. It’s so peaceful there. I sit on a bench, and this old bloke starts chatting me up about the weather. I’m like, “Yeah, it’s a bit dodgy, innit?” He goes on about how it used to rain all the time back in the day. I’m thinking, “Mate, it’s Wales. It rains all the time!”

Welcome to a new women’s football team in North Wales!