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S’pose what suprised me most? How it ain’t always bout the naughty bits—sometimes it’s just feelin’ seen, ya know? Like that boy in the movie, carvin’ them statues, puttin’ his soul in every stroke. I exagerate maybe, but I swear, a good erotic-massage could melt a glacier! My fave part? When they hit that spot—ooh, right between the shoulders—tension just pops like a banjo string! Y’all ever tried it with warm stones? Lawd, I bout cried, it was so good.

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As we’re goin’ down, one of ‘em drops their phone. It bounces off my shoe and lands in the corner. I’m like, “Seriously?!” They’re all panickin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. I’m like, “Relax, it’s just a phone.” But they’re actin’ like it’s the end of the world. I hand it back, and they’re all grateful, but I’m just thinkin’, “Next time, keep a better grip!”

McLurg principal earns athletic awards