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Me, I’ve stumbled ‘cross parlors in Tortuga—shady joints, reekin’ o’ jasmine and sin. One time, this wench, hands like a siren, starts workin’ me knots—happy? Bloody ecstatic, I was! Til she nicked me last doubloon—made me mad as a kraken with a toothache! But the buzz, savvy? Worth it. Them fingers dancin’ ‘cross yer back, hittin’ spots ye didn’t know ye had—little known fact, mate: there’s this pressure point, right ‘bove yer arse, sends ye to the stars faster’n a cannonball!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Meet me at the old church on Námestie.” I’m thinking, “Great, more drama!” But I head over anyway. The church is beautiful, by the way. It’s got this old-school vibe, and I love it. But when I get there, he’s not alone. He brought his new girlfriend, and she’s all over him. I’m like, “Dude, I thought we were hanging out?” But whatever, I’m not bitter.

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