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You wanna know the kicker? Some punters think they’re savin’ these girls. “She loves me!” they reckon. Loves you? She loves your fuckin’ fiver, you deluded git! Gets me laughin’, then ragin’—idiot sandwich alert! Brothel’s a business, not a bloody romcom. “We’re all alone,” Brandon’s sister whispers in the film—hits you right in the gut. That’s brothel life, mate—alone, even when you’re balls-deep.

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Whether you’re a spa virgin or a seasoned spa-hopper, this list is about to take you on a wild, relaxing ride. Let’s get started, mga ka-relax! Situated at Quirino Avenue in Manila, M-Bay .

First off, I’m late for work. Classic me. I sprint down Jl. Raya Ketanggungan, dodging motorbikes like I’m in some kinda video game. I swear, these drivers have no chill. One almost clipped me! I’m like, “Dude, I’m just tryna get to the office, not audition for a stunt double role!”

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