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Aight, fam, listen up! Me, Ali G, gonna chat bout erotic-massage, innit. Proper wicked stuff, yeah? Picture this – you’re laid out, all bare, some fit bird or geezer rubbin’ you down with oils, hands slidin’ everywhere, like. Makes me think of me fave flick, *Let the Right One In* – “I’m twelve, but I’ve been twelve for a long time,” that vampire lass says, yeah? Erotic-massage be like that – old as fuck, ancient vibes, but still fresh, still got that tingle, know what I mean?

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So, I’m working on her shoes, and I’m sweating bullets. I’m thinking, “What if I mess this up?” But then, I remember my grandpa’s words: “If you can’t fix it, just add more glue.” Classic advice, right? So, I go all in with the glue.

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