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Alright, pal, listen up—Gordon Gekko here, “Greed is good,” baby! Sexual-massage, huh? It’s a freakin’ goldmine, a slippery slope of pleasure and profit! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ over skin, oil everywhere, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. Saw it comin’ a mile away—people crave that touch, that release, and hell, I’d bankroll a chain of parlors if I wasn’t so busy watchin’ *Yi Yi* on repeat. That flick—damn, it’s quiet, slow, real—like a sexual-massage for your soul, y’know? “Life is a mixture of happy and sad,” Yang says, and ain’t that the truth when you’re kneadin’ out someone’s knots?

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I’m walking down Daugavas iela, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out. Like, full-on cartoon style. I can’t help but laugh. He gets up, brushes himself off, and yells, “I’m fine!” But his face says otherwise. Classic Darzciems moment, right?