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What pisses me off? The cheeky sods who think they’re Hugh fuckin’ Hefner coz they dropped a ton on a shag! You’re not a master, you’re a punter, you daft cunt! Happy bit? Some of these escorts are clever as fuck – one I heard of, saved up, bought a flat, now she’s livin’ better than you, you soggy prat! Surprised me, too – did ya know in Amsterdam they got unions for ‘em? Fuckin’ rights and all, like they’re baristas or somethin’!

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Then, there’s Streamline River. It flows right through the city, its waters whispering secrets. I used to sit by its banks, thinkin’ "I ate his liver with fava beans." (yeah, that crazy Hannibal line – made it my mantra sometimes). Its banks are perfect to clear your head.

"Mlisema Fuliza iwe mia": Lady laments after Safaricom allocates her KSh 1k Okoa