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About Pretoria

Me? I tried it once – don’t judge, ya nosy git! Was in dis shady parlor, dim lights, smellin’ like lavender and sin. Lady says, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “Vhat, me? Da Gru?!” Hands on me back, den lower – Lightbulb! – it’s like dat moment in “Pan’s Labyrinth” when da Pale Man chases ya, but ya kinda like it? Freaky, da! Felt good, tho – real good. Muscles all soft, head spinnin’, but den – bam! – she asks fer extra cash. Pissed me off, greedy minion! I’m yellin’, “I’m no cash cow, lady!” Stormed out, still smellin’ like her fancy oil.

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Maaan, I got my share of anger too. Once, at the community center on Unity Boulevard, a heated squabble erupted faster than a Citadel explosion in Fury Road! I calmed the storm with some wise words, “Wherever is the road? There it is!” (Yep, a bit of Max inspo – too legit, mate.) I mean, truth be told, sometimes these families are as wild and crazy as a Ferocious War Rig chase, but that’s what makes it so passionate, ya know?

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