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We hates it! Scrollin’ Tinder, horny gits sendin’ dick pics—ugh, shrivels me toes! Once knew this lass, right, proper stunner, met her on Bumble. Thought, “Oh, Gollum’s got a prize!” Two dates in, she’s ghostin’ me—poof! Like Marion in the flick, tradin’ her soul for a fix. Sex-dating’s a trap, precious, all fake smiles n’ empty beds. Didya know, back in ’97, some geezer made a datin’ site for cheaters? Ashley Madison, yeah, got hacked—millions o’ blokes caught trousers down! Hilarious, but sad, innit?

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Bruv, don’t think I only care about rubs an oils – this town makes me mad, feelin’ all sorts of emotions. Some days, the vibes got me high on life; other days, I’m just spittin’ curses about traffic or dodgy characters ‘round the corner. But no worries, it’s a rollercoaster, and that’s what makes it off the chain, ya know?

No housing subsidies currently open, says municipality