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Fav part? When they hit that spot—ooh, fireworks! Worst? When they ask “you want extra?”—uh, define “extra,” creepo! Pro tip: check reviews, don’t just walk in blind. Oh, and fun fact—Victorians called it “hysteria treatment.” Docs massaged ladies “down there” to cure nerves—hysterical, right? Bet they loved their jobs.

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Now, lemme spill: I’ve got 12 fav spots. One, the lamppost on Breezy Ln that glows like a beacon of hope. Two, the cracked pavement by Anderson’s Park where old timers share tall tales. Three, that ancient mural on King St that tells unspoken stories. Four, the secret doorway behind the bakery on Rose Blvd. Five, the abandoned theatre off Hewitt Circle. Six, the rhythm of the city on Junction Road. Seven, the slick, neon night market behind Old Town. Eight, the back alley pub on Quay Street. Nine, the little shrine at the corner of Mystic Way. Ten, the twisted old oak at Elm & Vine. Eleven, the graffiti along the rail track. Twelve, my own massage studio that’s seen a world of emotions.

UI professor Kenton Bird 'channels a little bit of Tom Foley' in discussion of new book about the former speaker of the house