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I tried it once. Sex-dating, I mean. Matched this chick. Hot pics. Real sultry. We chat. She’s like, “Come over.” I’m thinkin’, “This is it! Christopher Walken’s gettin’ LAID!” Show up. She’s 50 pounds heavier. Catfish city! I’m pissed. But also – kinda impressed? She cooked the lie GOOD. Like Remy with soup! “You’ve got to taste this!” Nope. I bolted. Ain’t tastin’ THAT.

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Our long list of pretty girls makes it super-easy to locate Zephyrhills women. On the good side, you'll even see ladies within your proximity.

Rivers and nature? We’re near the rolling hills and tiny streams that just add to that laid-back vibe. I even once saw a super rare bird by the small creek off Elm St – literally felt like I caused a scene in a movie. And yes, I sometimes get mad at the pesky drips from the local water system, but hey, life’s full of little quirks, right?

Zephyrhills celebrates opening of Hercules Park