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Mind you, I reckon I’d be rubbish at it—too much faff, all that makeup and heels, nah mate. I’d trip over me own feet, lookin like a right plonker! “The mask has slipped”—that’s me, fallin arse over tit in fishnets! Still, gotta hand it to em—whores got guts, proper brass neck. Reckon they’d run Slough better than me, and I’m the bleedin manager!

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The parks? Oh man, they’re a hoot. Steilacoom Heritage Park is a gem – trees that whisper secrets and some benches that look like they've seen more drama than the lads at a pub. I once sat there, thinkin’ about pleasure coaching, and felt nature exclaim, “We are all here, mate!” Just like in that movie – a touch of cosmic irony, if ya get me.

Family of boy who drowned to use settlement money to start nonprofit promoting water safety