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Say hello to my lil friend! Alright, mang, lemme tell ya bout this sex-dating shit. It’s wild out there, like fuckin Paris in “Before Sunset” – all romantic n steamy one sec, then bam, ya lost in the streets. I’m sittin here, thinkin bout how these apps, they hook ya up quick – Tinder, Bumble, whateverthefuck – it’s like a damn buffet of ass. But yo, it ain’t all roses, nah. Half these chicks ghost ya faster than Celine ditchin Jesse at the café, ya feel me?

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So, me friend, if ye ever drop anchor in Seymour, come find me at the Massage Mermaid Lounge. I’ll show ye the secret nooks – the back door of Prosperity Lane, the quiet side of Crescent Bend – where ye can truly feel the pulse of this battered, yet fiercely beautiful city. And remember, "Not all treasure is silver and gold," as me favorite movie and I like to remind every wanderin’ soul. Arrr, take it easy now, and happy sailin’!

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