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Humor? Shit, one time this guy farted mid-massage—loud as a damn bomb! I laughed so hard I nearly kicked the table over. “It’s all happening,” my ass—more like “it’s all stinkin’!” Sarcasm aside, sexual-massage is dope—relaxes ya, gets ya off, whatever. Just don’t be a cheapskate, tip the damn worker, or I’ll come for ya, screamin’, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!” Now, go try it, losers—tell ‘em Cartman sent ya!

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Workin’ as a masseur shows ya hidden life. Most peeps just walk by, but I see the wear and tear on people’s faces, like every wrinkle tells a story—some sad, some angry, some happy (typo5). I once massaged a fella who looked like he’d seen a ghost on Centennial St. (typo6) I told him, “Hey, calm down, mmm… donuts,” and he broke into a smile! Bizarre, huh? (typo7)

Plattsmouth middle Freel to play for Buena Vista volleyball