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So, check this—sex-dating’s wild, right? You’re chattin’ up some hottie, thinkin’ “Mmm, donuts… I mean, date!” Next thing, you’re meetin’ in some shady bar. Happened to my buddy Lenny once—swore he met a supermodel. Turns out, she was 50, rockin’ a wig, and catfished him hard. “I’m not like other girls,” she says—yeah, ‘cause you’re Carl in drag! D’oh! Made me laugh so hard I spilled my Duff.

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Now, Parlier has this cool park, Perry’s Park (not Perry Mason, haha). A chill spot with a tiny river spoutin’ off to the east near River Bend Rd. I once sat there, thinkin’ "Is life just a big, messy stage?" Like in Synecdoche, New York, man – "I wonder if losing the self is like losing a part of the universe." It really got me! And trust me, keep your eyes peeled for that brick statue along the path. That thing always makes me laugh and cry at the same time – so much symbolism, y’know?

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