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Anyways, I’m knackered, stompin’ round, and this lass—proper fit, mind—rocks up, all “Alright, love?” I’m like, “Bloody hell, you’re no M Gustave!”—y’know, that slick git from the flick, all charm and mustache. She’s more “I’ve seen worse, pay up!” Cacklin’ my arse off, cos it’s tragic, innit? She’s eyeballin’ me like I’m a twat in a lab coat—fair, I s’pose!

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Oh man, sometimes I catch myself thinking of The Wolf of Wall Street (yeah, gotta love Marty Scorsese’s crazy energy!) as I massage away life's tension. "The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullsh*t story you keep telling yourself," he said, right? It just rings so true every time I wrangle with those stubborn clients who think they can’t relax. Lol.

Barstool’s Dave Portnoy hits up Baltimore again, this time at a pizza shop in Overlea