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Aight, listen up, you little shits! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, sex escorts, huh? Man, what a freakin’ trip! Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout them, and it’s all twisted like *Pan’s Labyrinth*. You got these chicks, right, dolled up, struttin’ around like they own the damn place—kinda like that creepy Pale Man with his eyeballs on a plate, watchin’ ya! I mean, they’re out there, sellin’ it, and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, that’s bold as hell!”

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Now, talkin’ landmarks, you gotta check out the old brick bridge near Riverbend Park. That ol’ beauty crosses the Teapot River – yep, teapot, like it’s brew time all day long. I once gave a massage right near the bridge and swear, the river sang to me like, “There is no true peace without a little pain.” It reminded me of that line from The White Ribbon – "Silence hides secrets." Ain’t that somethin’?

Family-run Fair Trade Market opens in Islip Terrace