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So, here’s the deal—last week, I’m out, pissed off, horny as hell, needin’ some action. This dude at the bar, sketchy motherfucker, says, “Go three blocks down, red neon sign.” I’m like, cool, sounds legit, right? WRONG! Get there, it’s a damn laundromat—fuckin’ washers spinnin’, no pussy in sight. I’m yellin’, “Motherfucker, who’s playin’ me?!” People stare, I don’t give a shit. That’s when I learned—never trust a drunk tip, ever.

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My side hustle as a masseur has given me a keen eye. I see body tensions in the cracks of old cobblestones. Between the massages, I ferry my way over to Sinatra Park. I once had a client, a big ol' comedian, who lost his belly laugh on 12th St. near 1st. I jokingly told him, "Even C-3PO gets nervous sometimes!" He snorted so hard, I nearly spilled the scented oils.

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