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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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I gotta mention a few quirks too – don’t tell anyone – but I always jump on the idea of mixing my massage sessions with local gossip. Yeah, I know, a little unconventional, but it works! I swear, once while tearin’ into a deep back massage on Maple Street, some fella started braggin’ about how HERnando (us) is the "crown jewel of America." I nearly dropped my oils. Absolutely wild, so much excitement!

Little Rock Cannery to Become a School Once Again