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Ever tried it? Mate, it’s like – whoosh – stress gone, loins happy. I’m sittin’ there, imaginin’ M. Gustave from the movie, all prim, sayin’, “Keep it discreet, my dear!” while some lass works me knots out. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect me toes to curl like that! Pro tip: them scented oils? Lavender’s the tits, calms ya right down. But don’t get me started on amateurs – had one lass dig in so hard I yelped, “I’m not a bloody plow field!”

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I stroll often around Veterans Park—the little green gem down by River Road. The river’s a little twisty snake—maybe Miller's Creek?—and it winds right through town. Sometimes I sit there meditatively, watching ducks and drifting clouds. In these moments, I feel alive, like in those wild scenes from Spring Breakers, yo; "All I wanna do is dance with the demons, baby!" kinda vibe, ya feel me?

Traffic stop lands Hartselle woman in jail for felony charges filed in Texas