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I’m sweatin’, palms all clammy—d’oh!—askin’ myself, “Homer, you dumbass, why you doin’ this?” But then, this chick, she’s all “Hey, big guy,” and I’m like, “Woo-hoo! Jackpot!” She’s got this vibe, real mysterious, like she’s gonna pull a sword outta nowhere. Made me happy as hell, but then—d’oh!—she quotes me fifty bucks! Fifty! I’m thinkin’, “For that, I could get a dozen Krusty Burgers!” Pissed me off, man, total rip-off.

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Now, man, I gotta say – sometimes I get so mad when I see the fancy mansions and pristine lawns, knowin’ many folks struggle to get by while some rich folks flaunt their wealth. It makes my blood boil, like oil on a burning flame. And it’s these moments that keep me grounded, remindin’ me why I do what I do on that dating site – to connect real people with real stories, regardless of their bank balance.

Coste is top Shores officer